Mom's Blog The First 3 Months Home · June 04, 2007
Evan's been home 3 mos. Mom's reflections

Yesterday marked the three month mark for Evan being home and I wanted to set a goal of blogging every 3 months or so how his adjustment to his family is going. I think I'll be lucky if I can do it in 3 month marks as the time just flies by with 4 kids.

I think it is a good idea to journal how this period in our lives is going, not only for sharing our experiences, but so we can look back on it many months from now and see just how far we have grown together.

Everyone has asked us for the past 3 months, "How's Evan doing"? "adjusting", "getting along" etc. No one asks how am I doing. I should make it clear that this is my blog page, not Scott's. No two relationships are the same and I am sure he has his own thoughts and experiences with Evan that he may or may not want to share.

I was recently reading a thread on a chat page where the topic is "When did you know you loved your child"? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. When people posted such crap as "the moment I saw his/her referal photo". I realized then, that I was not in love with this little guy YET. I also realized that this is OKAY. You wouldn't tell some guy that you loved him after a month hopefully so why should I instantly feel like that with a little person. Evan and I are in a relationship, it's a bit like dating, we are getting to know each other. So, here are my thoughts on our courtship.

For all this journaling from the months up until now I am having to go back and retype what I had written down in a paper journal so bear with me. Sometimes it makes me laught to read it now. Silly me. Sometimes it makes me think WOW, look how far we have come and things are turning out fine.

March Madness April 04, 2007

Well, I just lost an hours worth of writting on the topic of my March experience because this website says to submit or risk losing work after a half hour. I am so mad. I finally get a little alone time and put my thought to words and now I have to start all over.

March is really quite a blur. A crazy merry go round ride of arriving home on a Saturday night. Jet lag, having my Mom go home and Scott go back to work on that next Monday, I went back to work on Tuesday, add 3 needy kids and one screeching traumatized baby and shake well!

I don't  think any of the research and talking to other parents quite prepared me for the difficulties of bring home an adopted child. I knew it wasn't going to be love at first sight most likely, but I was not prepared for how hard the transition would be for my family. I guess anything worthwhile is a lot of hard work.

My memories of days and nights in March start with a crying kid waking up every morning. I just thought, Can't you wake up happy at least one morning????? crying most of the day, hysterical crying when he wanted his food NOW and totally being rejected. He didn't seem interested in me in the least. All this work and I was the last thing in the world my son wanted. The rejection hurt.

Well, in typical fashion. When I have a concern or problem, I get going on the research. I started reading all kinds of books on attachment and post adoption depression. - A new take on the baby blues. You envision what it will be like to have this son and then reality hits. I was relieved to find he didn't fit the typical profile of a child with bad attachment problem. Yes, we had some issues but more good than bad. And I coud relate to the cases in the books were some parents had an ah ha moment when it just felt right and some just sort of grew together. We'll get there. But I think in March is was more a feeling of feeling like I'm babysitting someone else's kid and when are they going to come get him?He's a lot of work and I am not getting a lot in return.

I am being stretched in so many directions. I can't wait for my school year to be over too. I can't imagine having more than 4 kids. What were we thinking? Laine is still making lots of messes. Add Kate and now Evan and those two seem to be able to get into things that I never even thought of. I can't keep up around the house.

I feel like such a crappy mom. My emotions run from sad, to angry a lot. This is not going the way I had hoped. Everyone in the house is having to make a lot of adjustment. Most stressful is the juggling of kid's needs. Is there enough of me to go around??

 

April -Spring At Last! April 06, 2007

I am so happy that April is here. The weather is getting better and I am so looking forward to gettting out of the house with the kids. I have a week off from work for Spring Break and it is great to be able to just concentrate on Evan and the girls.

We are seeing more of Evan's true personality every week now. He still seems to go from happy to upset in record time but I live for the times when he is content. He is still waking up every morning crying but once he gets his belly full he seems ready to play with Kate. He is happy to get down and play with her and check everything out. He seems like a really easy going baby but he never comes looking for me much yet. He seems to like the girls and laughs a lot for them. Susanna is turning out to be such a little Mommy to him. They seem to have a connection.

 

April 18, 2007

Wow, Evan has learned how to eat most solid foods now. We really haven't found too many things that he won't eat. Back in March he really did not like anything that was crunchy or had too much texture but he is really coming along. He still won't eat "mushy" fruit. No peeled things like kiwi or melon.

He has now mastered going up and down stairs. Yes, he did take a few tumbles but he seems pretty determined and we are happy to take the gate back down. It was a hassle to have to open it for the girls all the time too.

Evan has just gotten all 4 molars. This kids has been teething since the day we met. They said he got his first tooth at 5 months!

I've been taking Evan and Kate for walks now with the stroller and when they are seated they look about the same size. People have asked if they are twins and I get some puzzled looks when I just answer NO and don't elaborate. Or funnier still is to say she is almost 7 months older and then you can just see them doing the mental math and looking really confused. ha ha.

I was able to hold Evan on my lap for a while today while Dora was on. He seemed okay as long as he was facing away from me. He gets especially upset if I try to hold him in a horizontal position. He cries real tears and he makes that trilling noise with his tongue. I wonder if he is making a sound from Russian, either way, he'll need that ability when I get him learning Spanish!

Testing out the Teeth May 18, 2007

Evan has a new bad habit. He is biting. Poor Kate has been the receiver of more than her share of nips. I turned around this week just in time to see him sink his teeth into the back of her upper arm. This guy means it. Maybe not the capability to plan the intent that he is going to inflict this but when he bites he is out to bite down hard. He looked like a little bull dog the way he was latched on for dear life to her skin. Yes, I over reacted. I was not about to let him take a chunk out of her for no reason. He got a good yelling at and I grabbed his cheeks pretty hard. I wonder where this is coming from. Maybe the kids in the orphanage bite?? I've never had a biter before. No one agrees on the way to handle this. One Mom or more even suggested I bite back! That sure would send out attachment into retreat. Nix that idea.

Evan and the girls and I went to my parents' house for the weekend. My Dad said he seemed like a totally different kid than when he met him in March and saw him once in April. Yes, I can see small steps forward.