Well, I just lost an hours worth of writting on the topic of my March experience because this website says to submit or risk losing work after a half hour. I am so mad. I finally get a little alone time and put my thought to words and now I have to start all over.
March is really quite a blur. A crazy merry go round ride of arriving home on a Saturday night. Jet lag, having my Mom go home and Scott go back to work on that next Monday, I went back to work on Tuesday, add 3 needy kids and one screeching traumatized baby and shake well!
I don't think any of the research and talking to other parents quite prepared me for the difficulties of bring home an adopted child. I knew it wasn't going to be love at first sight most likely, but I was not prepared for how hard the transition would be for my family. I guess anything worthwhile is a lot of hard work.
My memories of days and nights in March start with a crying kid waking up every morning. I just thought, Can't you wake up happy at least one morning????? crying most of the day, hysterical crying when he wanted his food NOW and totally being rejected. He didn't seem interested in me in the least. All this work and I was the last thing in the world my son wanted. The rejection hurt.
Well, in typical fashion. When I have a concern or problem, I get going on the research. I started reading all kinds of books on attachment and post adoption depression. - A new take on the baby blues. You envision what it will be like to have this son and then reality hits. I was relieved to find he didn't fit the typical profile of a child with bad attachment problem. Yes, we had some issues but more good than bad. And I coud relate to the cases in the books were some parents had an ah ha moment when it just felt right and some just sort of grew together. We'll get there. But I think in March is was more a feeling of feeling like I'm babysitting someone else's kid and when are they going to come get him?He's a lot of work and I am not getting a lot in return.
I am being stretched in so many directions. I can't wait for my school year to be over too. I can't imagine having more than 4 kids. What were we thinking? Laine is still making lots of messes. Add Kate and now Evan and those two seem to be able to get into things that I never even thought of. I can't keep up around the house.
I feel like such a crappy mom. My emotions run from sad, to angry a lot. This is not going the way I had hoped. Everyone in the house is having to make a lot of adjustment. Most stressful is the juggling of kid's needs. Is there enough of me to go around??